1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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