I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
