i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
