ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
