at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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