So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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