she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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