I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
