So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
