i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
