sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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