Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
