Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
