So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
