I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
