And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
