It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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