But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
