my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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