I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
