the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
