she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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