He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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