People with herpes should wear stickers.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
