He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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