also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
