the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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