i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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