I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
