I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
