just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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