she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
