hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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