Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
