dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
