Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
