seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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