so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
