so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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