I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
