I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
