puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
