remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
