why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
