flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I party with great urgency now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
