You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
