Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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