I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
