My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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