the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
