Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
